My name is Erik, and I am an alcoholic.
That phrase is something I never thought I’d have to say. I grew up with addiction throughout my entire family and I swore that I’d never end up like that. My childhood was worse than some, and better than others. My parents divorced when I was 6 and had split custody until my early teen years. At 12 years old I was in a life changing car accident that required emergency surgery and about two weeks in the hospital. Throughout high school I got good grades, played sports, and was on the yearbook staff. I got accepted into one of the top culinary schools in the country and moved to Rhode Island the summer after graduation.
I returned home shortly after to help with a family crisis and completed my culinary degree at a local college. Being in college and working in food service introduced me to night life. Jobs provided shift drinks, coworkers went out drinking every night, and friends had parties every weekend. Throughout my early 20’s I would black out almost every time I drank. I thought it was normal. I thought I was just fitting in.
Somewhere along the way, I started experimenting with drugs as well. My entire life became centered around what substance I was going to do and when I could do it. It was such a slow progression that I was the last one to realize just how bad it had gotten. By the end of my using/drinking career I was drinking at work, stealing other people’s medicines, selling possessions to feed my habit, and more. I was angry. I was lonely. I was broken. It wasn’t until my spouse at that time presented me with an ultimatum, that I recognized that I might have a problem.
Even though I was completely broken on the inside, I was too prideful to go to treatment. I couldn’t bear the thought of someone finding out I went to rehab. That’s why I’m so proud of our clients for walking through those lobby doors. That’s more than I could bring myself to do. February 17, 2021 was the last hangover I had to endure. I detoxed at home for a few days and once I was able to peel myself out of bed, I started attending 12-step meetings. This was in the middle of the COVID 19 pandemic so all meetings were virtual. But I found ways to attend 90 meetings in 90 days, get a sponsor, and start working the steps.
Life didn’t magically become butterflies and rainbows when I got sober. In fact, my first year of sobriety was one of the toughest years of my life. All of my reservations, everything I said would make me drink again, came true. About 3 months in I started the divorce process with my ex and lost access to her daughter I had raised for the past seven years. I was living in my parent’s basement and getting foreclosure notices on the house I wasn’t even living in. At 6 months sober, I lost my dog of 11 years to cancer. But I stayed sober. I leaned on the gigantic support group around me to hold me together so that I didn’t fall apart.
My life today is exactly how it should be. I have a healthy and happy marriage with the woman of my dreams. I have a home that feels safe to me and my friends. I have four crazy cats that make me second guess my life choices. I have recently started my Master’s of Social Work program. And I have a job that I really love. I have purpose.
Now, qualifying myself as an alcoholic is a phrase I GET to say. I know where my problems stem from and I know what the solution is. Not all days are wonderful, but every day I have a choice of what I’m going to do about it.
If you or someone you love is struggling with alcohol addiction, know this: recovery is possible. With support, honesty, and perseverance, you can rebuild a life of stability, joy, and purpose.
Don’t wait for rock bottom. Reach out to Avenues Recovery today and take the first step toward your own story of recovery.