Losing Everything
For a long time, I didn’t believe my life could look any different than it did. I was exhausted physically, emotionally, spiritually. Every day felt like survival. I was carrying shame, grief, and pain that I didn’t know how to face.
When I lost my children to DCS, everything I had been holding together finally collapsed.
After that, I relapsed, first with crack, then meth. The pain of losing my kids was unbearable, and I didn’t have the tools to cope with it. What followed were five years of using, trying to get sober on my own, and failing over and over again.
My children wanted nothing to do with me. They were hurt and angry, and I understood why. By the end of it, I had lost my father to an overdose. I lost my home. I lost the people who had tried to stand by me. I felt completely alone.
I attempted suicide several times because I truly believed my life had no value.
Hitting Bottom
I once went to rehab with my ex, but we left AMA and went right back to using. When I returned to Fort Wayne, I went to the house I had lost. The person who promised to hold onto my belongings hadn’t. Mine and my children’s things were sitting outside in the snow.
That moment shattered me. I felt defeated. I had no idea what my next step was supposed to be.
With nowhere else to turn, I called Avenues. I was high, crying, and begging for help. They walked me through the intake process right there on the phone and came to pick me up. I don’t remember much about the ride, just the overwhelming feeling that my life meant nothing.
I had tried dying and failed. So, I thought, maybe I should try living.
Choosing to Stay
The first week and a half in treatment, I was still suicidal. But slowly, things began to shift.
I started going to groups. I connected deeply with my therapist, who helped me begin working through the trauma I had carried for years. The staff didn’t treat me like a problem to fix; they treated me like a person worth fighting for.
For the first time in my life, I experienced a genuine sense of sisterhood. The bond I formed with the other women was real. It felt like family.
I graduated from residential treatment and stepped down into PHP. After that, I transitioned into sober living. For the first time, I wasn’t running. I was building.
Life on Life’s Terms
On January 30, 2026, I celebrated three years clean.
Today, my life looks completely different. My children are back in my life. I have my driver’s license, a car, and a home. I work at the same place that once picked me up when I was at my lowest.
Avenues didn’t just help me get sober, they taught me how to live life on life’s terms. They helped me heal from trauma, understand myself, and build a life worth living.
I owe my life to Avenues.
Today, I’m not just surviving.
I’m living.
