Hi! My name is Megan, and this is my recovery story.
My story begins as a lonely, depressed 12-year-old who recently lost her father to cancer. I started drinking beer occasionally in an attempt to cope with feelings of grief that I didn't understand. I quickly realized that drinking alcohol was not only a way to drown out confusing thoughts, but also helped me cope with loneliness - since I found it easier to make friends when alcohol was involved.
The day I tried using LSD, my drug use skyrocketed. I started using any substance I could get my hands on, and eventually became an IV heroin user at the age of 15. I was sent to rehab but didn't have any desire to sober up so I relapsed the day that I got out. I was unaware of how much my drug use was affecting my daily life or how out of control it was. I just wanted more. I became selfish, unreliable, and irresponsible.
A couple of years later, my brother passed away and things changed. Substance use was no longer fun or exciting; it was a requirement for my survival. I slowly started to notice that I no longer had a choice in whether I was going to use or not... I HAD to use. I continued having mental health issues, psychosis, depression, mania, and did not make the connection that substance use was making these symptoms worse and even unbearable. I tried moving away to another city to try to escape myself, but - there I was.
At this point, I had been in and out of the psych hospital multiple times and enrolled in individual therapy as well as meeting with a psychiatrist. I thought I was living a “normal” life. I maintained a job, paid my bills, had a relationship with my mom, had an apartment. But I had to drink alcohol and use drugs all day to keep up with all of these things.
What happened:
On a random Saturday, I woke up and all I could think was “I can’t do this anymore. All I can do today is drink or die.” I went to a treatment center that night.
I didn’t really know what to expect when I was in treatment. The first week or two were brutal - I’ll spare the details - but luckily, I was able to sleep a lot as I detoxed. When I started attending groups and talking to my peers, I started thinking about how maybe my life would be easier and more manageable if I didn’t have to drink all the time. I didn't know how to do that, though... Not drink... So, I decided that I needed to listen to people who DID know how to not drink.
Many of the staff there were well educated and/or in recovery themselves. They told me to go to PHP, so I did. Then they told me to go to IOP and sober living, so I did. Then they told me to go to meetings and get a sponsor, so I did. Then they told me to keep making sobriety the top priority in my life, so I did.
What it is like now:
Today, I have 3 years of continuous sobriety, and my quality of life has drastically changed. In my first year and a half of sobriety, I worked full-time at a retail pharmacy and continued living in an Oxford House. I was even nominated to go to the Oxford House World Convention. I went to meetings 3-5 times per week and worked the 12 steps. I found a home group in AA called “We Agnostics.” This was helpful for me to be able to navigate my spirituality and develop a relationship with a higher power. I reenrolled in school to continue working on my bachelor's degree in psychology.
Then, I got a job at Avenues Recovery Center. I moved into my own apartment and got 2 cats. For the first time in my life, I have a savings account and a 401k. My mental health symptoms have stabilized and I can manage my anxiety with coping skills. Today, I am able to have meaningful relationships with friends, family, and romantic partners too. I am able to feel my feelings, the good and the bad. I still go to therapy to help me process my emotions and work through trauma, but I no longer have a desire or compulsion to drink or use. And if I ever do get thoughts like that, I call someone or write about it until they pass.
It feels like a whole new life that I never could have imagined would be possible. I used to believe that life was a constant series of misery and misfortune, but sobriety has helped me learn that I can experience joy, confidence, and that good things do happen every single day!