When a loved one is struggling with addiction, it affects everyone around them. You can do everything in your power to help: enrolling them in the best rehab programs, and offering endless love and support, only to see little or no real change. People struggling with addiction often don’t want help at all. They’re commonly in denial, doing everything they can to hide their addiction or prove they have it under control and can stop anytime. Trying to help an addict who doesn’t want help is not only futile but, in many cases, ends up harming you.
Key Takeaways:
- When a loved one is struggling with drugs or alcohol, it impacts family and friends as much as the person using substances.
- An addict must be willing to accept help. Trying to force treatment often causes harm to both the addict and the loved one.
- Understanding addiction, treatment options, and the steps to take when talking to an addict helps you provide informed, compassionate support.
- Lean on counseling, support groups, and self-care to maintain your strength while helping a loved one.
- You are not alone: Many loved ones face similar struggles. Seeking guidance from professionals and support networks helps you navigate this challenging experience.
How to Help an Alcoholic That Doesn’t Want Help
Trying to convince an alcoholic to get help follows the same steps as helping someone with a drug addiction. As a loved one, you want to fix everything for the person struggling, but they have to be willing to accept the help being offered.
At Avenues Recovery, we’ve heard every story there is to hear. “I’ve done everything to get my son into drug rehab, but he keeps saying he doesn’t need it. How do I convince him to accept help?” Or, “I’ve tried everything, and my alcoholic mom is still in denial, what can I do to convince her?”
Whether you’re a sibling, parent, child, or a caring friend, here are the steps you can take to guide an addict toward accepting the support you’re offering:
- Educate yourself about addiction and how it affects the person you care about.
- Avoid enabling their behavior. Don't make it easier for them to continue using.
- Establish clear, healthy boundaries to protect your own well-being during the process.
- Consider staging an intervention to express concern and encourage treatment.
- Seek support for yourself through counseling, support groups, or trusted loved ones.
How Can I Educate Myself About Addiction?
The first step is to educate yourself about the characteristics of addiction, the process of detox, and the accompanying withdrawal symptoms. Although education on the topic does not qualify you to help the addict recover from their addiction, it will give you a better understanding of what you’re dealing with, allow you to be more sympathetic to the struggle of an addict, and will empower you to make beneficial decisions on behalf of the addicted loved one.
Moreover, it’s important to educate yourself on different treatment options for your loved one. Find a reputable rehab facility near you that can provide the care that your loved one needs. This will allow you to give practical advice and guidance when your loved one is ready to reach out for help.
Ask Yourself: Am I Enabling My Loved One in Their Addiction?
Enabling behavior toward an addict refers to any action or inaction that helps the addict resume their substance use with little or no consequences. You may have the best intentions and want to protect your loved one from the natural consequences of their addiction for many reasons, including:
- Trying to lower the stress around addiction so they will stop using on their own.
- As a sign of misguided love and support.
- To avoid embarrassment.
Here are some examples of enabling behavior toward an addict:
- Lying or covering up to family and friends about the addict’s absence or bad behavior
- Providing cash to purchase more drugs or financial assistance for addicts who aren’t working.
- Filling in for the addict when they are unable to work or perform other responsibilities.
- Giving the addict rides to places and people connected to their drug use.
The problem with engaging in enabling behavior is that it hinders the addict from making any progress towards sobriety. As long as you are helping them or covering up for their negative behaviors, addicts do not have to face the consequences of their actions. This often causes them to become manipulative, which is very harmful to you as well.
Make Sure You’re Setting Limits With Your Loved One
To counter any enabling behavior and to effectively help an addict who doesn’t want to be helped, it is essential for you to set limits and boundaries. Boundaries should be strictly enforced to mitigate the physical, emotional, and mental damage to friends and family members, and to stop protecting them from the consequences of their behavior.
Here are some ideas of boundaries:
- Not lying or covering up for the failures of an addict.
- Not providing the financial means to purchase more drugs.
- Refusing to pay the rent or bills of an addicted loved one who is unemployed.
- Not allowing the addict to enter the home when drunk or high.
What Does an Intervention Actually Do?
An intervention is where the family and friends of an addict have a meeting with the addict and give them an ultimatum: either they go for help to recover from their addiction or risk losing everyone and everything near and dear to them.
As an example, the addict’s boss may state that the addict will lose their job, a partner will declare that they will not be able to live in their home or that they will seek a divorce, and the friends will make it clear that they will not provide any financial, emotional, or physical support, unless the addict commits to entering a drug rehab facility immediately. You also state how they will support the recovery process, such as by paying for rehab or offering to take care of the children.
When talking to an addict in denial you need to be firm but at the same time loving, supportive, and caring. If you think you may need to stage an intervention for your loved one, reach out to a therapist, mental health counselor, or intervention specialist to plan the meeting to ensure the best possible outcome.
Establish a Support System to Stay Strong
As a partner, child, parent, or friend of an addict, it is necessary that you find the support you need to carry you through this challenging period of your life. This will be beneficial for both you and the individual struggling with addiction. You can join a 12-step Nar-Anon or Al-Anon group, both of which are geared to the loved ones of someone struggling with a substance use disorder.
You can also see a therapist one-on-one, or join a support group. It’s important to learn how to let go of any control you may try to have over the addict, because the addiction and the choices the addict makes cannot be controlled by any outside force. If you struggle with enabling behaviors, you can learn how to prevent them in these settings.
Be sure to make a conscious effort to practice self-care. Engage in activities you enjoy, spend time with people you like, and take part in social activities that rejuvenate you. Go shopping, get your nails done, go for a back massage, or sit in a sauna – whatever will relax you and make you feel cared for.
What You Need to Know as a Loved One of Someone Struggling with Addiction
It’s natural for family members and friends of someone struggling with addiction to feel frustrated or confused. Often, misunderstandings about addiction can make it even harder to know how to help. Here are some common misconceptions loved ones may have:
- Addicts can simply stop using drugs or alcohol if they genuinely want to or try hard enough.
- Addiction reflects selfishness, a lack of care, or moral failings, causing addicts to put substances above relationships and responsibilities.
- A family member, friend, or unlicensed helper can fully guide someone to recovery on their own.
- Loved ones should try to force an addict to stop if they won’t do it themselves.
These beliefs aren’t accurate, and it’s essential to understand why. Addiction is a disease that often overpowers even the strongest intentions. A person struggling with addiction usually cannot quit on their own, and support from trained, licensed professionals is essential. Attempting to force recovery or stop use can unintentionally add stress and strain relationships. In fact, when a loved one tries to intervene without the addict’s willingness, it can create unhealthy dynamics that affect both the person struggling and those trying to help.
Helping Open the Path to Addiction Recovery
The most important thing to know is that you are not alone. There are many loved ones of addicts navigating the darkness of addiction, a struggle that is often thrust upon them unwillingly. Avenues Recovery is here to help guide you toward the light at the end of the tunnel. Our expert and caring staff have helped thousands of people turn their lives around, and they can help you too. We are committed to delivering top-notch addiction treatment , with utmost care and respect. Reach out to us today to find the support, guidance, and valuable information you need to get you through this difficult time.
FAQs: How to Help an Addict Who Doesn’t Want Help
How can I effectively talk to an addict in denial?
To effectively talk to an addict in denial, approach them with empathy and calmness, focusing on how their behavior affects themselves and loved ones. Avoid judgment or blame, and listen actively to create a safe space for honest conversation.
How can I persuade an alcoholic to get help?
To persuade an alcoholic to get help, encourage professional treatment and express concern with love and support. Setting firm boundaries, providing resources, and considering a structured intervention with a specialist can increase the chances they accept help.
What are the signs that an addict might be ready for help?
Look for moments of self-awareness, repeated negative consequences, emotional exhaustion, or verbal acknowledgment of struggles. These signs indicate they may be open to treatment or support.
Can I help an addict without enabling them?
To help an addict without enabling them, be sure to set clear boundaries, avoid covering up their behavior, and provide support only in ways that encourage responsibility and recovery. Focus on supporting treatment and healthy choices rather than shielding them from consequences.
What if my loved one refuses all help?
You cannot force someone into recovery. Focus on maintaining boundaries, providing education about treatment, and being ready to support them when they choose to seek help themselves.