Sobriety is possible – if they can do it, so can you. In this series, Avenues Recovery presents true accounts of everyday heroes in recovery.
Hi, my name is Tracy, and this is my recovery story.
My addiction began long before I ever held a glass tube up to my lips in 1997 — I just didn’t know it yet.
In 1998, my mom unexpectedly showed up, took one look at me and my two toddler boys, and I just let her take them. Later that night, I looked at myself. I was skin and bones, disgusted at what I had allowed to happen. I called my mom and told her I needed help. She got me admitted to my first and only rehab.
I spent four days there. My takeaway from that short stay was simply that I couldn’t smoke dope anymore. That was it.
Hitting Rock Bottom
Fast forward almost a decade later. I was trapped in an abusive marriage — like many relationships I had tolerated before. I had lost myself completely, hopeless and broken. I lost everything again — including my boys, and even my freedom.
In the chaos of my life, I found my “best friend” again — the glass pipe. It didn’t care that I was ugly, broken, or damaged. It numbed the shame and guilt that told me I didn’t deserve love and that my boys would be better off without me.
By Halloween of 2009, I was sitting on a barstool, never much of a drinker, but desperate for anyone to steer me back into oblivion. I called some “friends” who were on their way to smoke the night away. But I also made another call — to the father of my two oldest sons.
He said the same thing he had said a million times before:
“When is enough going to be enough, Tracy? When are you going to stop and be the person I know you are?”
Something clicked. In that moment, I knew change had to happen. And that change had to be me.
The Turning Point
Not long after, the consequences of my actions finally caught up to me. I landed in more than just the prison I had created for myself — I found myself behind real bars. Oddly, I needed that.
In that place, I dug deep into everything I could:
- AA and NA meetings
- Journaling and self-reflection
- Confronting childhood trauma and broken relationships
- Rekindling my faith in God, my higher power
I got my freedom back in 2011. But freedom on paper didn’t mean freedom in my heart. I knew I still had bridges to rebuild and work to do.
Rebuilding and Recovery
I spent the next year focusing on myself, setting goals, and healing. I worked harder on my recovery than I had ever worked at chasing numbness. I built a support network that I still rely on today.
Recovery has taught me:
- To strive to be better than I was yesterday
- To accept that it will always be a process of learning, forgiving, perseverance, and progression
- That hope is real — even in the darkest moments
Today
This journey isn’t easy, but it’s worth every step. I am grateful every single day. I’ve been given the chance not only to rebuild my life, but also to give others hope.
Even if it’s just a glimmer, there’s always hope.
If you or a loved one is struggling with addiction, reach out to Avenues Recovery Center. With 15 beautiful addiction treatment centers across 7 states, recovery has never been closer to home.
You can find your way home today!