We know we changed. We went quiet, canceled plans, and drifted from the people who mattered most. If we could go back, we’d tell you why: not to excuse what happened, but to give it context—and, we hope, to open a door for what comes next.
Why We Pulled Away
We didn’t choose addiction over you. We were in pain, and using felt like the only way to survive the moment in front of us. Addiction shrank our world until it was just us and the next escape. That distance wasn’t about not loving you; it was about not knowing how to love ourselves. Shame piled on top of fear, and the more we hated the person we were becoming, the harder it was to answer texts, show up, or explain anything at all.
What We Needed (But Didn’t Know How to Ask For)
We didn’t need advice. We needed connection. A simple message—thinking of you, I’m here, Want to grab coffee?—could have cut through a lot of noise. Even if we didn’t respond, we noticed. When you kept the tone kind and the expectations light, it reminded us we were still more than our worst days. That’s what hope looks like in real life: quiet, steady gestures that say, You still matter.
If You Felt Hurt or Confused
You had every right to be. Addiction doesn’t just harm the person using; it hurts friendships too. Boundaries you set were fair and often necessary. If you stepped back, we understand. If you stayed, thank you. Either way, your wellbeing matters, and we don’t expect you to carry what wasn’t yours.
How Friends Can Show Up Now
- Lead with connection, not correction. Short, low-pressure check-ins beat lectures every time.
- Keep invitations open-ended. “No worries if not” makes it safer to say yes later.
- Celebrate small wins. A meeting attended, a hard truth shared—these are real progress.
- Hold healthy boundaries. Compassion and limits can coexist; both protect the friendship.
- Use “I” language. Try “How can I help you?” instead of “Why don’t you just stop?”
These simple choices don’t “fix” addiction, but they make recovery feel possible—and a return to friendship feel welcome.
Moving Forward
We’re still here, working hard to become the version of ourselves we couldn’t be before. If you stuck by us, thank you. And if you couldn’t, we truly get it. Either way, if there’s space for a second chance, we’d love to rebuild—slowly, respectfully, and with more honesty than we had the first time.
Friendship doesn’t have to ignore the past to move forward. It just needs truth, time, and a little grace. Recovery gives us the tools to show up—on time, present, and clear. Your presence reminds us we’re not defined by who we were, but by who we’re becoming.
If you or a friend is navigating addiction, know this: connection is powerful. Keep the door cracked, keep the messages simple, and keep hope realistic and steady. Change takes time—but it happens, and it’s worth it.